Come to the Fair
by PixelByPixel
Summary: "I guess humanity isn't entirely awful. They did make vodka. Roller coasters. Triple crème Brie." -Mom, God Johnson When Charlotte shows up at Dan's door looking for a thrill, he has other ideas in mind.


**Author's note: The title is from the song Come to the Fair by Helen Taylor and Easthope Martin.**

 **My attention was caught by this line in God Johnson and I wondered how in the world she had this experience. As always, I'm calling her Charlotte within the story even though she isn't, technically, because it's easier. Plus, that's how Dan thinks of her.**

"I guess humanity isn't entirely awful. They did make vodka. Roller coasters. Triple crème Brie." -Mom, _Lucifer_ , _God Johnson_

* * *

"We can't just have sex."

Charlotte smiled, starting to move past Dan into his apartment and then pausing, brows raised, when he lifted his arm to bar her entry. "Well, I don't see why not," she replied. "You've already proven..." She looked him up and down and purred, "More than capable."

Dan shifted uncomfortably, feeling the back of his neck grow red. He knew what would happen if he let her in - what always happened. They'd end up in bed again, and while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing - far from it - he just didn't understand how it kept happening.

"Why don't we try something else?" he suggested. "Is there something different you'd like to do?" It wasn't, after all, that he disliked her company. He just wanted to feel like he had some input in their... relationship wasn't the word, but it came the closest.

Charlotte leaned in close, her lips brushing against his left ear, her breath warm. "I want you to thrill me, Daniel. Make me feel something I've never felt before."

Dan pulled back, but not so much that she could push past into his apartment. He'd learned that one the hard way. Glancing at his watch, the thought fast, then stepped into the hall, pulling the door closed behind him. "Okay," he said, taking a breath. "I can do that."

* * *

Charlotte looked dubiously at the steel contraption that loomed above them. "Humans get on this?" she asked Dan. "On purpose?"

Dan grinned. "Absolutely," he assured her. "It's fun."

"But... the screaming," Charlotte protested. "And that human looks like it is going to vomit. No," she decided. "It sounds far too much like Hell for me to want to get anywhere near that thing." She turned toward a more sedate ride. "That one," she decided, striding toward her chosen ride, assuming Dan would follow.

Dan followed, staying a few steps behind to enjoy the view. He let the Hell comment pass, though he reflected that finding out that Charlotte was Lucifer's stepmother really should have come as less of a surprise, all things considered. What a weird family. When he saw where they were going, he lengthened his stride to catch up with Charlotte. "We are not having sex on the Ferris wheel."

Charlotte smiled. "Just keep telling yourself that, Daniel."

* * *

In retrospect, going alone in a small, enclosed area with Charlotte Richards after making such a challenging statement as _We are not having sex on the Ferris wheel_ was perhaps not the best judgment call Dan could have made. True, they didn't have sex on the Ferris wheel. Barely. But by the time they'd reached the apex, all of Dan's comments about the view had gone out the window, and then Charlotte had done that _thing_ with her tongue, and... well, Dan didn't quite reach his own apex, but it was a near thing.

Flustered, he exited the Ferris wheel after Charlotte, trying to gather his composure as he followed her along the midway.

"Well, that was pleasant enough," she said as she strolled, "but certainly not a new experience... oh, the Tunnel of Love, now that sounds promising..."

"No, not that," Dan said promptly, knowing his self-control would never survive that ride. "Really, I think you'd like the roller coaster."

Charlotte smiled, shaking her head. "If it weren't for all the screaming, maybe I'd consider it..."

Dan grinned engagingly. "The screaming's a good thing, I swear."  
"Well, it certainly was the other night," Charlotte replied, with a teasing wink. "But I hardly think we could do _that_ on a roller coaster."

Dan actually took a moment to consider the logistics, then shook his head. "Definitely not," he agreed. "Well, let's try the midway, then." He paused at Charlotte's sudden smile. "For the _games_." Her smile widened. "The _carnival_ games. Look, let's just go."

* * *

"Daniel, you're a police officer," Charlotte chided, amused, as Dan missed another shot in the shooting game on the midway. "I would have thought you'd have better skill with a firearm."

Dan, profoundly glad she hadn't turned it into a sex joke, said only, "It's not the same." Turning back to the attendant, he forked over more cash, saying, "One more try, now that I'm used to it."

Twenty minutes and thirty dollars later, Dan was the proud owner of a... well, he wasn't entirely sure what the pink monstrosity was. Trixie would probably know. He offered it to Charlotte, but she just laughed and shook her head. "Give it to your offspring," she suggested.

Dan could do that, as long as he didn't tell Trixie where he'd gotten it. If she found out that he had come here without her, he'd never hear the end of it.

"Where to now?" Charlotte queried, watching with amusement as Dan struggled with the gigantic toy.

"Food," Dan replied promptly.

Looking dubious, Charlotte asked, "Eat... here?"

Dan grinned as he stepped into line. "You'll love this. Trust me." When he reached the front of the line, he said, "Two, with powdered sugar."

Then there was the issue of how to deal with both the food and the toy, but eventually the three of them - because, seriously, the toy was becoming something of a third wheel - ended up seated at a table, and Charlotte tasted what Dan assumed was her first bite of funnel cake.

"This is marvelous," she said, brows lifting. "Not quite as good as that Italian coffee, but still very good."

Dan had the grace not to look smug, saying only, "I thought you'd like it."

They ate in silence, consumed with the effort of not getting entirely covered in powdered sugar - Charlotte was more successful than Dan at this, despite her lack of experience - until Charlotte observed, "An inordinate number of these small humans seem unhappy. Why? They're getting to ride rides and eat unhealthy, sugary food; they shouldn't be crying."

Dan wondered just what Charlotte's children were like, that she was asking that question; briefly, the thought of Amenadiel and Lucifer as small boys crossed his mind, but he couldn't really picture it. Both of them, despite Lucifer's immaturity and Amenadiel's naivete, seemed like they had always been their current ages. "Well, it's getting late," he explained, looking over at a small boy who had gone scarlet with crying, "And they ate the sugary food and are crashing now, and they're overstimulated from the rides, so it gets to be too much." He smiled suddenly, remembering, "Chloe and I took Trix here a couple of years ago, and she completely lost it because we wouldn't ride the Tilt-a-Whirl again. Full-on meltdown right over..." He took a moment to get his bearings, then pointed. "There."

"What did you do?" Charlotte queried, despite herself. She paused, then added, with some pride, "I'm starting to have some success with time-outs."

Shaking his head, Dan replied, "Nah, we just went home. She fell asleep before we'd gotten out of the parking lot." His smile was a little wistful.

With an understanding nod, Charlotte said, "You miss seeing her every day."

Echoing the nod, Dan replied softly, "Well, yeah. But I worked too much when Chloe and I were together, didn't see Trix enough. So now I try to make the most of the time that we do have together, really be present."

"Sometimes parents regret the decisions that they make," Charlotte observed, watching the red-faced child's mother scoop him up. Despite his initial protest, the little boy soon relaxed into his mother's embrace, sobbing into the curve of her neck.

Dan followed Charlotte's gaze and nodded. "Yeah," he agreed softly. "But kids can forgive a lot."

Charlotte turned away from the mother and son, her expression distant. "Not always."

"Charlotte, look, if you want to talk," Dan began gently, "I mean, I definitely know about parental screw-ups, and regret."

For a moment, Dan thought that Charlotte was going to accept his offer, but then she pulled on a too-bright smile. "Certainly not," she replied briskly. "You're supposed to be thrilling me, remember? And I'm feeling decidedly un-thrilled. I have some ideas for how you can rectify that situation, though." Dan idly thought that Charlotte was only flirting to keep him from pursuing the conversation about parenting; he wasn't the detective his ex was, but he did have some skills. Still, maybe Charlotte needed the distraction. Maybe that was why she showed up at his apartment. Somehow, he didn't think that the improv class would work for her, as it had for him.

Dan got to his feet and disposed of the sugar-laden plates." I have an idea, too," he replied.

Charlotte brightened, her smile turning more genuine. "Finally! Let's go back to your place."

Dan chuckled, shaking his head. "I was thinking you might want to try that roller coaster. It really is thrilling."

With a petulant sigh Charlotte queried, " _Why_ do you keep saying no to me, Daniel?" Dan smiled a little uncertainly - he honestly wasn't sure, himself - and Charlotte replied, "Fine. I'll get on that deathtrap and _then_ we'll go back to your place."

After a moment of consideration, Dan replied, "All right."

Charlotte smiled. "Really?"

Dan offered a hand, smiling when she took it. "You'll love the coaster, really."

* * *

Mercifully, the line was short, though Dan could feel Charlotte's steps slowing as they approached the ride.

"It's perfectly safe," Dan encouraged. "Hardly anybody has died on it - kidding!" he amended, at Charlotte's startled look. "Seriously, if you really don't want to do it, we can go ride another ride. Whatever you like. I'm not going to make you do something you don't want to."

"As if you could," Charlotte said, with a soft huff. Dan mused that she was probably right; even if he wanted to try to make her do something, which was definitely not his style, she was surprisingly strong. At that moment, a pair of small children raced past them to get in the line for the coaster, and Charlotte added, still sounding a little peevish, "If those children can handle this ride, a Goddess such as myself certainly can."

"That's the spirit," Dan replied, getting in line.

Dan guided Charlotte through the turnstile at the ride's exit. She pushed her windblown hair back from her face, expression still a little dazed.

"Well?" Dan queried, though he already knew the answer; he could tell from her expression.

"It was like flying," Charlotte murmured. "My boys need to try this." Turning back to Dan with a dazzling smile, she said, "Let's ride it again."

Laughing, Dan led the way back to the line.


End file.
